Embarassing Family Moment in "Maybe This Time"

Lydia sat very still for a few moments and then said, “I have heard it said that men either marry their mothers or their mothers' opposites.”

“Well, they'll say anything.” North smiled at her, a real smile this time. “Mother, you are not like Kelly O'Keefe. Sullivan is not interested in her because he thinks she's you. Neither of us is Oedipal.”

“Oh, please,” Lydia said. “Andromeda was exactly like me.”

North lost his smile. “I beg your pardon.”

Lydia frowned at him again. “Aside from her teeth and those damn peasant skirts, she was practically my twin.” She thought for a moment. “Except for the baking. I don't bake. I haven't had decent banana bread since she left.”

“No,” North said, showing what he thought was remarkable restraint. “I never looked at Andie and saw you.”

“Not consciously, but a weak, silly woman would have bored you to tears.” She nodded once at him. “You picked a ballbuster, just like me.”

“Excuse me,” North said. “I'd like to continue this conversation but I find myself in need of a therapist.”

“Kelly O'Keefe is a stupid woman. She thinks bullying people will make her look tough. Instead, she just looks like a sociopath.” Lydia stared angrily into space. “I think she is a sociopath. They're often very successful, you know.”

“I know. I've defended several. Well, this has been—”

“I'm going to call the McKennas, have them look into her. She's hiding something. And of course, she's using him.”

North was tempted to argue the “of course, she's using him,” but of course, she was. And of course, Southie was using her, too. It seemed fair. “No, you will not put a private detective on Kelly O'Keefe.”

“Then I'll have to meet her.” Lydia narrowed her eyes at him. “You should meet her, too. Your judgment is very good.”

“I don't even like watching her on television. Was there anything else?”

“Yes,” Lydia said, exasperated. “I want you to stop Sullivan from seeing that woman. I don't want teeth like that on my grandchildren.”

“I doubt very much that Kelly O'Keefe will give birth.”

“Which is another problem,” Lydia said. “Sullivan is my only hope for grandchildren. I don't want all my genes in Kelly O'Keefe's egg basket, especially if she's not going to use them.”

North raised his eyebrows. “Leaving aside Kelly's . . . basket, Sullivan is your only hope?”

“Well, you're not going to give me any. You'll never stop working long enough to procreate.” North opened his mouth to disagree and Lydia ran right over him. “We have to stop this, North.”

“Mother, leave Sullivan to his dentally challenged newscaster. He won't marry her. If he does, it's his life and his choice. The umbilical cord was cut thirtyfour years ago, stop trying to haul him back by it. You don't do that with me, give Sullivan the same respect.”

“I can't do that with you. You bit through yours at birth.”

“And now I'll be canceling dinner.”