Girl Talk in "Bet Me"

"you just have to be practical, figure out what it is you want in a man, and then find one who has those things. Make a plan. Stick to it." Her eyes went to Cal. "Don't get distracted."

Liza rolled her eyes. "Or you could just fall the fuck in love."

"Oh,right," Min said, looking away from Cal. "That's like saying you could just fall off a building. Because it won't hurt until you land."

Liza drew back. "I just meant—"

"No," Min said as several people turned to look at her. "You have to be sensible. It's not silly love songs and sloppy kisses, it's dangerous. People die for it. People die from it. Wars are fought.Empires fall."

"Uh, Min..."

"It can ruin your life," Min said, shutting her eyes so she wouldn't look for Cal. "Which is why I'm staying friends with Cal, nothing more. I'd have to be insane to think there could be anything permanent. Masochistic. Suicidal. Delusional."

"Uh huh," Liza said.

"So that's my plan," Min said. "And I'm sticking to it."

Girl Talk in "Agnes and the Hitman"

Maria shot one last baleful look at her mother and followed Brenda out the door.

“What's the Brenda Belle?”Shane asked when they were gone.

“Her yacht,” Agnes said. “She's been living on it since she sold me this place.”

“It's an old tub,” Lisa Livia said and looked at Agnes. “Do you believe me now?”

“Maybe,” Agnes said.

“Believe what?” Shane said.

“I'll tell you later.” Agnes picked up the phone and dialed. “I have to tell Taylor first ” Lisa Livia rolled her eyes, but Agnes said, “It's his personal business, LL.” She listened to the phone ring once and then Taylor's answering machine clicked on. When she heard the beep, she said, “I need to talk to you tonight. No excuses. Nine o'clock is good.” She hung up and turned back to Shane. “So Maria went mental on Evie and Brenda, then Lisa Livia told Evie she saw Xavier feel her up twenty five years ago, and now it turns out there's a chance I'm going to lose this house, and I'm definitely going to be up to my ass in plastic flamingos by Thursday. How was your day?”

Girl Talk in "Strange Bedpersons"

Gina sounded unconvinced. “So why do you care? I thought you spit on big business. Especially lawyer big business.”

“I do. Nick doesn't. And he needs my help.”

“So you're still hung up on him.”

“No, I'm not hung up on him.” Tess sat up again, annoyed. “I just feel sorry for him.”

“Right,” Gina said. “And?”

“And he makes me feel good.” Tess leaned back a little as she thought about it. “Okay, he makes me feel really good.”

“And?” Gina prodded.

“And he turns me on,” Tess finally admitted, sliding all the way back down into the chair. “I know, I'm shallow.” She sighed. “Really shallow. I know he's a mercenary lawyer, but we're talking about a man who turns me on doing his laundry. You know, the kind of guy you sit next to by the dryer, and he's wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off, and you realize he has the best arms you've ever seen in your life, and suddenly you're having hot flashes and losing your train of thought, and it's either menopause complicated by Alzheimer's or you're in heat, and then that damn tingle starts and you know you're in heat, and you have to go upstairs and lock the door, because if you don't, you'll claw off his shirt and bite into his bicep.”

After a long pause Gina said, “Would you like me to wait while you go take a cold shower?”

Tess ignored the question. “This is why I should not be seeing him again. Because it's only a matter of time before I just drag him off to the nearest flat surface and have my way with him.And that would be bad.”

“Oh, yeah,” Gina said. “That sounds bad. I wish I had something that bad.”

“Look,” Tess said, “don't get snippy on me. That would be bad. I mean, I'm already tempted by him just because he makes me laugh and feel safe. If I went to bed with him and it was great, I'd be in real trouble. Because as much as he makes me crazy with lust, he really isn't right for me. He thinks my apartment is a dump, and he gets huffy about my thriftstore clothes, and he wears designer suits and gold watches.”

“Oh, well, gold watches,” Gina said. “There's a real drawback.”

“It's symbolic,” Tess protested. “I mean, he can be really sweet, but he can also be an uptight, money-hungry yuppie. And the thing is, those money-hungry times just seem to be getting longer and the sweet times shorter, and I don't really believe you can change a guy, and who am I to decide to change him, anyway? He's happy the way he is. We're better off apart. Besides, he won't let me wear an apron.”

Funny Excerpt from "Christmas Pride" by Shelly Laurenston from "The Mane Event, Pride book 1"

“Does she now?” Dez turned to Mace. Boy, did she look annoyed. “You haven't changed one bit, Llewellyn.”

He leaned back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I never said I had.”

“But you did lie to me?”

“No. Missy really doesn't want me to come to her banquet. I simply don't give a shit.”

“And if that happens to play on my sympathies, you conniving bastard?”

“I know what I want, Dez. You know how I am about that. Remember the Ring Dings?”

She pushed her hands through her hair. He kept frustrating her.Good . “We arenot discussing the Ring Dings, Mace. Christ, we are too old for this.I'm too old for this.”

“So, say you'll come out to dinner with me and then I'll stop.”

“No.”

“I refuse to hear that.”

She turned to Smitty. “You tell him, Smitty. Tell him I said 'no'.”

Smitty gazed at her. “You sure have some pretty eyes, darlin'.”

Dez looked startled, then she beamed. “You are as bad as he is.”

Mace realized in that second the two of them were having a “moment.”Well, that's not acceptable .

“Jesus, Dez. What's that?”

Dez, following where Mace pointed, turned to look behind her. While he had her temporarily distracted, he took his other hand, wrapped it around the back of Smitty's neck, and slammed the man's head into Dez's desk.

When she snapped back around, Mace watched her innocently, Smitty gripped his forehead, and Dez's partner began to hysterically laugh.

“What did you do?”

Mace blinked. “Nothing.”

Funny Excerpt from "Tap & Gown"

“What a madhouse,” said my mom. “We thought we'd never find seats here, but it turns out your friend had them saved for us.”

“My friend,” I repeated, still craning my neck over their shoulders. My mother has this habit of saying “your friend” in a tone of voice that manages to convey all of the following:

1. The individual to whom I refer is a person of the opposite sex,
2. Who clearly has carnal knowledge of my daughter,
3. But I'm not going to judge,
4. And I'm certainly not going to assume that their relationship is quantifiable by any pedestrian term such as “boyfriend” or “betrothed,”
5. Because who knows what passes for a romantic relationship in my daughter's mind,
6. A behavior of hers I wholly disapprove of, by the way (though as I stated, I'm not going to judge),
7. And while I'm on the subject, he'd better watch it. Just saying. Not judging.