Dumbass Things You Should Not Do #2

My Dumbass Things You Should Not Do articles are personal life lessons I learned while reading novels. Unfortunetly, You can't slap a character senseless when it is being a dumbass but I decided that, in the event the Apocalypse or something like it destroys what is left of mankind's good sense, my articles should remain as archives of a time where blond young women knew not to venture in the basement of their homes when there was a storm outside.

I always think it is the most cliché thing to say " I don't know what you're talking about" when you're being accused. It is THE sentence that garantees your guilty. It's right up there with "I want my lawyer", "I have nothing to hide" and "why would you think that?"

Dumbass Things You Should Not Do #1

My Dumbass Things You Should Not Do articles are personal life lessons I learned while reading novels. Unfortunetly, You can't slap a character senseless when it is being a dumbass but I decided that, in the event of a Apocalyptic event destroys what is left of mankind's good sense, my articles should remain as archives of a time where blond young women knew not to venture in the basement of their homes when there was a storm outside.

I always think it is ridiculously stupid when characters in books say "If he wanted us dead, he could have killed us by now". There is no way to know how someone's mind works or his motivation for keeping a stranger alive. To trust someone on the assumption that he won't kill you because he already could have is idiotic.

 

Maybe he wants to gain your trust because he gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from destroying people's hope with betrayal.

Maybe he needs you.

Maybe he is busy right now and will do it later because you're harmless to have around for a while longer.
Maybe he wants to hurt you before killing you.

Maybe he likes killing and hasn't chosen his favorite method yet.

 

For Goodness' sake, don't put you life in a stranger's hands for no good reason you dumbass fictional people of litterature worldwide!

Funny Excerpt from "Christmas Pride" by Shelly Laurenston from "The Mane Event, Pride book 1"

“Does she now?” Dez turned to Mace. Boy, did she look annoyed. “You haven't changed one bit, Llewellyn.”

He leaned back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I never said I had.”

“But you did lie to me?”

“No. Missy really doesn't want me to come to her banquet. I simply don't give a shit.”

“And if that happens to play on my sympathies, you conniving bastard?”

“I know what I want, Dez. You know how I am about that. Remember the Ring Dings?”

She pushed her hands through her hair. He kept frustrating her.Good . “We arenot discussing the Ring Dings, Mace. Christ, we are too old for this.I'm too old for this.”

“So, say you'll come out to dinner with me and then I'll stop.”

“No.”

“I refuse to hear that.”

She turned to Smitty. “You tell him, Smitty. Tell him I said 'no'.”

Smitty gazed at her. “You sure have some pretty eyes, darlin'.”

Dez looked startled, then she beamed. “You are as bad as he is.”

Mace realized in that second the two of them were having a “moment.”Well, that's not acceptable .

“Jesus, Dez. What's that?”

Dez, following where Mace pointed, turned to look behind her. While he had her temporarily distracted, he took his other hand, wrapped it around the back of Smitty's neck, and slammed the man's head into Dez's desk.

When she snapped back around, Mace watched her innocently, Smitty gripped his forehead, and Dez's partner began to hysterically laugh.

“What did you do?”

Mace blinked. “Nothing.”

Funny Excerpt from "Tap & Gown"

“What a madhouse,” said my mom. “We thought we'd never find seats here, but it turns out your friend had them saved for us.”

“My friend,” I repeated, still craning my neck over their shoulders. My mother has this habit of saying “your friend” in a tone of voice that manages to convey all of the following:

1. The individual to whom I refer is a person of the opposite sex,
2. Who clearly has carnal knowledge of my daughter,
3. But I'm not going to judge,
4. And I'm certainly not going to assume that their relationship is quantifiable by any pedestrian term such as “boyfriend” or “betrothed,”
5. Because who knows what passes for a romantic relationship in my daughter's mind,
6. A behavior of hers I wholly disapprove of, by the way (though as I stated, I'm not going to judge),
7. And while I'm on the subject, he'd better watch it. Just saying. Not judging.